Since my childhood
Mariko Furukawa
My inner world
Since my childhood, I have imagined a world of my own. It is more like my own town in my body. The first thing I created was a small, wooden, stale library where I stored all the information that I acquired so that I was able to use my knowledge whenever I needed. The landscape featured a nice house to study in, a huge playground, a bookmaker factory, and so on. They all stood on a nice vast green pasture with many trees, flowers and wild animals, where a creek with very clear water ran windingly. Recently--to be exact, I was a junior in high school-- I recognized where that stream water was running from. It came far away from behind the mountains where huge mines existed. I believe now that the flow from the mines is the source of my energy and the water that runs the creek in my town is what makes me feel alive.
In my sophomore year of high school, I became a member of the Mountaineering Club which I needed a lot of courage to join because I was going to be the only girl in the club. The image of the club was not good at that time; the other members were thought to be stinky, rough, dirty, and nerdy people. My friends made fun of me, and some even thought that I was insane, but I joined the club anyway. The practice was really hard, as I had expected, because there was obviously a big gap between the physical strength of girls and boys. Though the practice was such a torture to me sometimes, I worked as hard as I could. I wanted to do the same as they did. It was always a challenge for me. I really liked it but never thought about why.
As a member of the club, I would climb mountains every couple of months. It may be difficult to imagine what it is like to walk up mountains. Since we had a competition in a year, there was a minimum weight limit of a bag. I had to carry a bag that was about 13kg (30lb.) which was always such a burden for me. Whenever I felt like giving up, there was always something that was about to flow out from behind the mountains in my town. I never knew what exactly that feeling was; however, I am pretty sure that I was expecting it to happen.
Splash! Reaching the top of the mountain, I knew what had been about to flow out. I just felt awfully, extremely great! I was feeling my water of energy running through the body. It flew out to my town and everything there seemed vigorous! The sun lit up all the creatures in the town, and a nice breeze blew down the pasture. I was absorbing a lot of energy to live.
It does not always come when I reach the top of the mountains; it comes whenever I sense the feeling of accomplishment or challenge. It makes me feel great, wonderful, and really confident that I am alive. Challenge myself is a means to reach success and that is why I always want to have something to set off.
Lazy days: doing nothing, just slumbering a day away, whenever you are half-hearted in whatever you are doing. These are just pathetic to me. I am not comfortable with having nothing to do. It is like I am feeling dead, just perishing. My stream of energy from the mines stops flowing and the creek dries up. What a lifeless, sluggish town it has become! I now desire for a new stream to run through my body.
I remember these last five months being really busy. After I graduated from high school, I started working at the convenience store where I always found something new to do. I tried to experience as much as I could; I worked at a restaurant, a cleaning factory, a hotel and some other places. My employers would say,
"You always have to be polite and respectful to your customers."
"Ok, this is how you count money."
Maybe sometimes it was about how to use the folding up machine or how to serve beverages, which I have never learned before.
Once I get used to my tasks, however, they became routine. They were not fresh anymore and that is why there was no longer a sense of challenge in the jobs. I wanted more water from the mines to flow. Those jobs were not worth fulfilling and did not give me enough of the feeling of accomplishment. It was enough, of course, to keep my creeks running just fine. However, what I wanted was an overflow!
After achieving some heavy duties, the flow of energy comes. After torturing myself, the same. It would even cause a flood to my town when I try to do many things at a time. You may suppose there is a limit to the mines but I never believe there is. Sometimes I end up being buried in the mines because I cannot find the way out. I think it is then when people want to commit suicide. However, you have to find the way to get out and that is the challenge. I would keep all my spirit on the trot to demolish what is putting me in the dark.
It was time for me to find something new to begin. I moved to America to go to college this summer and being away from home is becoming my routine life. I started running on weekends with my friend and doing exercises twice a week. I am also looking forward to joining a swim team. Whenever I work out, I know I desire it(-be more specific). I get out of the dark sweating, and I find a marvelous town where the water of energy flows and everything looks vigorous. The land is filled with strength, vigor and I know it is the origin of my life!